{"id":4131,"date":"2013-08-21T20:56:47","date_gmt":"2013-08-22T00:56:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/?p=4131"},"modified":"2015-09-26T15:04:19","modified_gmt":"2015-09-26T19:04:19","slug":"nightmare-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/?p=4131","title":{"rendered":"Nightmare Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

Theme Songs Page<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Previous Theme Song<\/a>\u00a0| Next Theme Song<\/a><\/p>\n

Nightmare Time<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Who, What, When, Where, Why, by Rupert Holmes, performed by the Manhattan Transfer (1978), encountered 1983<\/h3>\n

Buy it here<\/a> | See it here<\/a> | Lyrics here<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Not the Spotlight, by Gerry Goffin and Barry Greenberg, performed by the Manhattan Transfer (1978), encountered 1983<\/h3>\n

Buy it here<\/a> | See it here<\/a> | Lyrics here<\/a><\/p>\n

I wrote last time<\/a> about the wonderful dream we all have in which we find we can fly. There\u2019s another dream we all have, though, the one where you confidently go somewhere to do something but then realize you haven\u2019t done it and can\u2019t find your way back to where you started. I may have dreamt that first dream, but it never came true for me. The second one did.<\/p>\n

Bewilderment<\/h3>\n

My affairs hadn\u2019t brought nirvana, but they (and other things not to be discussed here) had brought our marriage to a state of mutual anger. I had more than a passing disposition to anger anyway, at that age. But one thing I hadn\u2019t realized, a thing that came as a shock to me, was that you couldn\u2019t take anger off like a suit that you wanted to change. The bargain I\u2019d made with myself at the beginning of all my running around was that anytime I wanted to I could always turn around and rejoin my life\u2019s earlier course. But when I decided I wanted to, I found anger was blocking that path back.<\/p>\n

My mind literally could not cope with this. Looking today at notes I\u2019d written to myself at that stage, I see the starkest evidence of disordered thinking, of my thoughts running in endless circles that cannot be stopped, cannot reach resolution.<\/p>\n

I was bewildered. I had come to an impasse I was \u2013 we were \u2013 clueless how to handle.<\/p>\n

And while I was stewing, I was listening to the Manhattan Transfer\u2019s album Pastiche<\/em> (1978). (After the Transfer\u2019s 1979 album Extensions<\/em> had made such a hit in the household, we gradually acquired the other, earlier albums and about this time were getting to know them.)[1] There were two songs right next to each other that nailed where I was.<\/p>\n

Looking for the Roots<\/h3>\n

One was a cover of Rupert Holmes\u2019 Who, What, When, Where, Why<\/em>, from his 1976 album Singles<\/em>.[2] The singer of this song of sexual jealousy looks obsessively for what brought him to this pass, to the roots of the situation.<\/p>\n

You won\u2019t be my love<\/address>\n
You won\u2019t be my friend<\/address>\n
But won\u2019t you at least help me comprehend<\/address>\n
What’s happening to me<\/address>\n
\u2018Cause after you go<\/address>\n
My one consolation will be to know<\/address>\n
The places and names, the reason and rhymes<\/address>\n
The facts of the matter and points in time<\/address>\n
I tried for your love<\/address>\n
But you won’t allow<\/address>\n
This guy to do nothin\u2019 but ask you how –<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
And – who (who)<\/address>\n
What when where why (why)<\/address>\n
Who is the guy<\/address>\n
What made you need someone new<\/address>\n
Tell me<\/address>\n
Who what when where why<\/address>\n
When did it die<\/address>\n
When\u2019d we go wrong<\/address>\n
Don’t you lie, tell me why —<\/address>\n

It\u2019s not that this interrogation was precisely applicable to our situation, but it was precisely applicable to my mood. I knew how things were supposed to go, and if they weren\u2019t doing that, there had to be an explanation, and I was going nuts trying to find it.<\/p>\n

Reconverge?<\/h3>\n

The other song, It\u2019s Not the Spotlight<\/em> (by Gerry Goffin and Barry Greenberg), captured my sense that, while we might be on paths away from each other, something might make it possible for us to reconverge at some point:<\/p>\n

If I ever feel the light again shinin\u2019 down on me<\/address>\n
I don’t have to tell you how welcome it will be<\/address>\n
I felt the light before but I let it slip away<\/address>\n
I still keep on believin\u2019 it’ll come back someday<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
It\u2019s not the spotlight, it ain\u2019t the candlelight<\/address>\n
And it ain\u2019t the streetlight of some old street of dreams<\/address>\n
It ain’t the moonlight or not even the sunlight<\/address>\n
But I’ve seen it shinin\u2019 in your eyes and you know what I mean<\/address>\n

Of course, this is a breakup song, and all the talk about shining lights is a big metaphor for the possibility of reuniting. But it also suggests that the reunion would be at the cost of subsequent relationships:<\/p>\n

If I ever feel the light again, you know things will have to change<\/address>\n
Names and faces, homes and places will have to be re-arranged<\/address>\n
And you can help me come about, if you’re ever so inclined<\/address>\n
Ain\u2019t no rhyme or reason why a woman can\u2019t change her mind.<\/address>\n

And we hadn\u2019t broken up, not yet, so what this reminded me of, with awful vividness, was the cost of a breakup. And of course that terrible notion was beginning, just beginning, to insinuate itself into my mind.<\/p>\n

It was a nightmare time.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

[1]<\/sup><\/sup>. The record was bought as part of a common enthusiasm. It is entirely typical of this phase in a breakup that we were still pursuing joint tastes, and perhaps clinging to these shared pursuits if for no other purpose than to convince ourselves that we were still functioning as a couple.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

[2]<\/sup><\/sup>. This extremely rare album is out of my price range as I write this in 2013, but I have heard a clip of Holmes\u2019 rendition of this song, and it seems the Transfer have it about right.<\/p>\n

Copyright (c) Jack L. B. Gohn, except for album art<\/p>\n

Theme Songs Page<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Previous Theme Song<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Next Theme Song<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The bargain I\u2019d made with myself at the beginning of all my running around was that anytime I wanted to I could always turn around and rejoin my life\u2019s earlier course. But when I decided I wanted to, I found anger was blocking that path back. These songs may not have been precisely applicable to our situation, but they were precisely applicable to my mood. I knew how things were supposed to go, and if they weren\u2019t doing that, there had to be an explanation, and I was going nuts trying to find it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,968],"tags":[4472,4584,5044,5045,2790,5043,2874,5040,5046,5047,5042,4787,5041],"class_list":["post-4131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-closeup","category-theme-songs","tag-4472","tag-4584","tag-barry-greenberg","tag-dreams-of-flying","tag-gerry-goffin","tag-its-not-the-spotlight","tag-jealousy","tag-manhattan-transfer","tag-nightmares","tag-pastiche","tag-rupert-holmes","tag-the-manhattan-transfer","tag-who-what-wen-where-why"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4131"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4131\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5556,"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4131\/revisions\/5556"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebigpictureandthecloseup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}